butterflies outside my window
by abbyli
Summary: He dreams of snowflakes and butterflies. stefan/caroline, baby ava, matt/rebekah, elena/elijah are mentioned a.u.


_**butterflies outside my window**_

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**a/n: For anyone who hasn't read any of my previous steroline stories and is just tuning in, baby Ava is a character I created who is the daughter of human Stefan and Caroline. **

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He didn't think the pain was ever going to go away.

She was the love of his life and he was never going to see her again.

"That's not true, you know."

His friend's voice was a whisper, so quiet and so tender.

"What do you mean?" he asked her, glancing into her blue eyes for only a brief second because she reminded him too much of what he had lost.

"You will see her again," Rebekah murmured, gently brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes. "You have to believe that or you will not get through life in this world."

**.**

**.**

Snowflakes were starting to slip through the air, delicately falling around them like the feathers from the wings of an angel.

She had always loved the early winter. That first snowfall was probably the most beautiful time of the year and sometimes, when it snowed just the right amount, he would wind up with a snowball down the back of his jacket. It would take him quite some time to get his revenge on her but he always did.

Recently, he would find himself thinking about snowflakes and how they would fall into her hair and find a resting place on the tip of her nose, almost like the flakes themselves were afraid that they would mark her beauty. She loved catching snowflakes on her tongue. He would sometimes find her running around in the front yard like a five year old with her arms stretched out towards the heavens. In many ways, she was already an angel.

It wasn't just her beauty that he loved about her. There was that one thing that initially drew him in, the thing that he fell in love with.

Her joy.

Caroline Forbes Salvatore had had that amazing joy that couldn't be marred by anything. Not the death of her father, the car accident that claimed the life of her best friends-nothing. And her joy, her love for the world, was passed along with every person that she had met. Even his jerk brother was touched by that light.

He also remembered the day that he had almost lost her to someone else. He had taken too long to realize that it had been she that he had needed and wanted all along. It was almost like a freaking Taylor Swift song (as his brother loved to remind him), bursting into her wedding and objecting before she took on a new last name that wasn't his.

Their precious angel from heaven was born eight months later. She was slightly premature and tiny but still so beautiful.

"Ava," she had whispered when the miracle was placed in her arms. "Ava Salvatore."

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**.**

The toddler dashed around the yard, holding her arms out to the heavens, oh, so like her mother would always do. Her long dark blond hair whipped through the wind, plaited down her back. Her emerald eyes lit up with excitement and joy as the first snowfall began to grace the earth.

She had once said to him that the eyes were like the windows to the soul. She had admitted that she had stolen that saying from someone else but she had just loved it so much. She then sat him down and looked deep into his eyes, picking out a few things that he was hiding from her. She also guessed her Christmas present along the way.

Ava had inherited her mother's looks, right down to the tiny point on her nose. But she had taken her father's eyes, much to her mother's delight.

"Thank heavens!" Her mother had trilled once her eyes had changed from that normal baby blue to emerald. "You have such beautiful eyes, mine are like a pile of melted crayons."

"Your eyes do not look like a pile of melted crayons!" he had protested, gently kissing her temple.

"Yeah, well, they do actually. But whatever you say. Kiss me again." And of course, he did.

**.**

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"Did the pain ever go away?"

Rebekah let out a small sigh, shaking her head. "No, it doesn't," she whispers. She turned slightly, her eyes finding his. "But as each day goes by, you start to feel a little better. And then, a week, a month, a year. You will look back and realize 'hey. I got through that.' The pain doesn't ever go away, Stefan. But it becomes bearable."

Stefan swallowed thickly. He couldn't imagine the pain ever becoming bearable. Especially after today.

Rebekah Donovan had lost her husband Matt in the same accident that had claimed Caroline's friend's life. He had been running her home from work and their truck had been forced off the road by drunk driver. The only thought that had offered any slight comfort for any of them is that they had both died instantaneously.

It had been four years since that day when they had all gotten the news that Matt and Elena were gone. Elena's husband Elijah had tucked tail and ran off, absolutely devastated and heartbroken. Rebekah hadn't even allowed herself to grieve in public, having twin boys to care for.

**.**

**.**

He realized that maybe Rebekah was right. Maybe the pain did become bearable.

A year had gone by. And then another.

Ava grew and flourished. She was starting to forget. She was now near four and so happy. How could he not let the happiness from her flow into him?

She became infatuated with butterflies. She loved their bright and beautiful colors, telling him that it reminded her of an angel's wings.

"Why an angel's wings, baby?" he asked her. "Angels' wings are white."

The tiny girl shrugged her shoulders. "Momma told me that they could be any color of the rainbow."

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**.**

He dreamt of butterflies and snowflakes that night. When he woke up, he found his face was wet with tears.

Hmm...maybe the pain wasn't gone just yet.

**.**

**.**

Flashes of gold and blue, violet and sapphire.

Every color under the sun, mixed with the most glorious of ivory and peach.

The butterfly bush blazed with color, shoots of glory and everlasting love coursing through the air.

Ava was in his arms, watching just as intently. And then she turned her eyes away to look up at him with a smile. "Daddy! It's Momma!"

He finally smiled, tears spilling down his cheeks. He pulled the four year old closer into his arms, kissing the top of her head. "Yeah, baby. It is Momma."

**.**

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**Oh, my lordy, so freaking sad! Sorry, I just had to get that out. **

**Don't forget to shoot me a review, telling me either you liked it or hated it. It's okay! :)**


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